We're going nowhere fast.

but never easy enough..

2007-05-08T01:19:45Z

i want a boy

a boy that will stay with me for always

He'll know you can never say I love you too many times

doesn't mean it withall his heart

Corey andTopanga

He'll make me a Build-a-Bear

And he wont care about how
silly he looks being in a
store full of 2^nd graders

Because he knows it
would be special to me
He`ll stay home with me
and watch The Notebook

And he'll tell me he loved it
even though he didn't

and the only person he would ever
watch it with would be me

.He'll.call.me.at.3am.and.ask.me.what.i'm.doing.

He'll tell me he couldn't fall asleep because he was

thinking about me, and he
needed to hear my voice

He cant walk next to me
without holding my hand

And he always whispers
something sweet in my ear

He'll take me to a concert to see his favorite band

And he wont get embarrassed to tell me
he lovesfriends me in front of his

When I cryhe'll tell me I'm too beautiful
to and he'll kiss every tear

He'll always make me feel better because he
knows the perfect things to say to me

All of his friends will know we're in love
because he'll talk about me to them

When we're walking together he'll stop and
pick up a flower and put it behind my ear

He'll tell me I'm a princess
And treat me like one too

He'll loveeverything about me

and tell me that I'm perfect

We always end up
laughing about silly fights

We wont get mad formaking fun of
each other because wecrack upat every bit of it

Even if we're a million years old, butterflies

will still go crazyinside of me

Every time hekisses me

He'll tell me he'd ~~die~~ without me

He'llsurpriseme by bringing me over
my favorite food when I'm having a bad day

When we go out for

ice cream, he'll put some

on my nose, then I'll put some all over his face

And we just neverstop laughing

He's interested in everything I

say, and he always cares about it

He'll buy me jewelry and

bouncy balls from vending machines

He wont stop playing until
he's won me a stuffed animal

He'll take walks with me in the snow,

and we'll catch TsnowflakesT on our tongues

He doesn't even like
snow, but I love it

Every time I even hear his name,

it takes my breath away

And when I hear him speak,
I'll fall in love all over again

He'll pay for me all the time even though

I never want him to but I can never win

But with him I could never lose either

Because everything about
him is just so wonderful

Perfect...

I'll be his everything

And he'll be even more to me

He will love me for
always and forever.....<333

I want a guy who will move the hair away from my eyes, and then kiss me. Who will hold my hand in line at the mall and make all the girls jealous. A pretty boy, but not so pretty that I feel awkward. A boy who thinks I'm b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l. A guy who will sing to me at random moments. Who lets me sleep on his chest. I want a guy who will tell his mother I have beautiful eyes, a guy who will bring me orange juice when I'm sick, who writes songs about me because he doesn't know any other way to tell me how he feels. I want a guy who is more goofy than romantic, but knows the right things to say at the right times. I want a guy who will call me 3 times a day if he went away. A guy who will apologize for calling too much, and no matter how many times I tell him its okay, he'd still do it. A guy who will let me gossip to him and just smile and agree with everything I say. A guy who will throw stuffed animals at me when I acted dumb and then jump on me and kiss me a million times. I want a guy who will write me notes in class, and give me flowers every once in a while for no real reason at all. Who will bet kisses on who could beat who on at game. Who makes fun of me just to make me laugh. A guy who will surprise me with 25 cent ring and we could have contest of how far we can spit our gum. Who will take me to the park, put his hands around my waist and give me big bear hugs all the time. A guy who will kiss my neck, just to have a reason to tell me how much he loves my new perfume. I want a guy who, at night, who will dance in his pajamas with me. A guy who will take pictures in photo booths with me, someone who will never turn down a trip to the lake and who will play tag on the beach with me. Who will tell all his friends about me and smile when he does it. A guy who could sit with me on the kitchen floor and eat sandwiches. Who will kiss me in the pouring rain and will tell me when he doesn't think something looks good. I want a guy who would try to teach me how to play the guitar, even if we just end up laughing at each other. I want a guy who will run his fingers through my hair, share his lollipops with me, and get along with all of my friends. Someone who would never be afraid to say I love you in front of his friends and someone who would argue with me about silly things just to make up. I want a guy who will take me to Target to just make fun of some of the stuff there. Someone who will kiss me at midnight on New Years and who will make funny faces at me when I'm on the phone. I want a guy who will count stars with me and be friends with my family. I want a guy who will stay home with me on a Friday night just to help me make dinner and watch movies together under the same blanket. Someone who will squirt water guns at me in the house after I've got him soaked.. I want a guy who looks me the eye and tell me something serious, that was also funny and make me promise not to laugh. A guy who could make me laugh like no one else can. I want a guy who will hold me closer than normal when I'm sick, and would play with my hair. But mostly I want a guy who is my best friend and will always be there for me.

i want him to have it bad for me.... i want him to change for me, iwant him to let everything go for me.. i want him to call me back when i hangup. i want him to be bored when he is with any other person except me. i want him to promise me he will love me the best he can...

i know what i want.
i just have to find him..
He'll give me his favorite sweatshirtHe'll tell me we're like But he knows not to say it if he

everyday it gets a little easier.

2007-05-08T01:16:59Z

Here's to all the girls who used to be his number one. The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check the caller ID the next morning & be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, & moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, "I only want to be your friend", one day, and the next, listened to him say how much he loves & misses you. We deserve something, and this is our tribute. Here's to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change. We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught crap from our parents, & even snuck around to see him for while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, & ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us. Here's to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here's for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to settle for someone who didn't treat us the way we should be treated. Here's for the ones who did their hair and make up & put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn't see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn't believe that he could do this to us again. This is for those great girls who loved him more than words can say, & took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn't bear to look back on their lives one day & wonder "what if". This is for the girls that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, & cried during the entire conversation. The ones who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us. When he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn't mean it. This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with. This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, & get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that "things were going too fast, he needs time." Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an "I told you so." The ones that could just tell that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts & their dreams again. We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that. Here's for the ones that finally realized that he never gave a crap about them. Here's for the time that he broke your heart again. This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, & the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. Here's for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better. This is for those confusing days, when you miss him & want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. Stay strong and remember that relationships are like broken glass; sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together & get hurt. Remember the times you cried & how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that. When 'your song' comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made & tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door. Think of the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation & the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the crap he was. Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night & how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to. One day you'll find a guy who's worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry. You may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. It's going to hurt like crap, & it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal. This is for those girls who fell back in love with their ex, only to get hurt all over again.

fuck.

2006-10-31T03:40:11Z

my grandfathers doing alot worse.
theres cancer in both his lungs now.
and they found it on his liver too this week.

my mom told me in the car tonight.
she started crying,and so did i.

i cant deal with this anymore
i cant deal with anything.

i miss steve so much
and now my grandfather is worse
and.idk.everything is going downhill
and i seriously feel like im close to having nothing good left.

my parents are having money problems
because my mom doesnt have a job.

my mom is depressed cause she didnt get this job she wanted
and her father is doing really bad.

i dont know what to do.

my mom had cancer,
my grandmother died from it
now my grandfather has it.
what if i get it?

sometimes i seriously feel like god hates me.

today fucking sucked.

i really dont know what to do anymore.

i dont remember things like this.

2006-08-18T04:36:40Z

okay so,ive had 487438783 journal thingys.
and i seem to forget about every single one of them.
so yeah.this time might not be any different.

friends only.
comment to be added and whatnot.